With so much knowledge in front of you, it can be overwhelming to sit down with a family member and find you’re missing the most crucial step: What do you ask them?
If this is a once in a lifetime chance to record someone for a family documentary, asking them how their day or week was usually won’t matter down the line. You want to ask the most impactful questions to provide meaning and value to future generations.
Here are some questions to get you started.
- “What was your childhood home like?”
This opens the door to sensory memories: rooms, neighborhoods, siblings, meals, pets, school, holidays and family routines. Follow with: What do you remember most clearly? Who was usually around? - “What were your parents like when you were growing up?”
This often reveals stories about grandparents that younger generations have never heard. Follow with: What did they teach you? What did you admire about them? What drove you crazy? - “What was a turning point in your life?”
This moves beyond basic biography into meaningful storytelling. It could lead to marriage, career changes, military service, parenthood, loss, moving, or overcoming a difficult period. Follow with: How did that change the person you became? - “What do you remember about becoming a parent?”
This creates a natural bridge between generations. Follow with: What were you excited about? What scared you? What do you remember about bringing me/us home? What kind of parent did you hope to be? - “What do you want your children and grandchildren to remember about you?”
This is often the most powerful question because it turns an interview into a legacy message. Follow with: What lessons do you hope we carry forward? What matters most to you now?
The best stories often come after a few seconds of silence. Ask one question, listen carefully, and then use simple follow-ups like “what happened next?”, “How did that feel?”, and “Can you tell me more about that?”.
The main thing to remember is you’re not checking off questions, you’re listening to someone’s story. Don’t rush them! If you hear they’re leading into an interesting segment, ask them to tell you more, or ask them to elaborate on something inside of their story. This is how you can make a Family Documentary that has lively, exciting AND meaningful stories.